I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
