Just cropdusted the office
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
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Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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