so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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