you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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