don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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