Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
