did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
