you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Everything about him screamed your future.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
