you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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