when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
