I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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