3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
