I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
