I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
