all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
