I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
