Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize