the condom got lost in my hair
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
