Just fell off a train. Bad.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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