her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
