oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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