She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
