Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
