idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
