and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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