Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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