well I can't set my house on fire every night
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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