It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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