I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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