What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
