white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
