I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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