the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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