i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
