i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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