I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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