don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize