Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
