It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
