Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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