Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
farters have to be the big spoon...
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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