Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
