Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize