If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
