you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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