My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
