my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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