uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
