no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
