you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he thought i was a dude.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize
