Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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