My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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