Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
