Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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