i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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