I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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