you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
