I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
