I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
