It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
