remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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