In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
