A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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