ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My life is pants optional.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
