we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
as a side note pls kill me
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
