my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
