Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
sex in a hospital.. check
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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