i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
